A place for everything and a wizard in his place

Requirements for a wizard bachelor pad: Away from annoying tech, away from annoying people, away from annoying monsters, away from annoying cold/heat, near wal-mart.

Ready for the tour? First, you’ll notice my front door. Its kinda like a mix between vault door and creepy old tomb. No joke, I’ve opened it at least 100 times and dust still falls off. What did I just mumble under my breath? Ummm…don’t worry about it too much. Its just something I say when i walk near the entrance. Stop looking at me like that. Anyways, lets make our way through all of these old statues and relics. I think the plastic draping over them adds atmosphere. Alright, now to the living area proper. You’ll want to notice my collection of asian furniture and relics, the spattering of South American swag and of course some standard European and American staples. I swear, I read. Look, there’s my library. No, I don’t use those beakers to make amphetamines. No, you cant have any. Look, would you focus already? You probably shouldn’t sit in that chair. Here’s the bathroom, a la Home Depot. Here’s my room. Excuse the mess. Ah, and here’s my best friend, Archimedes. Yes, he’s an owl. No, I’ve never seen the Sword and the Stone. No, I haven’t seen your wallet, and neither has Archimedes. Right, Archimedes….? Ok, that’s the tour. Now for drinks. No wait, don’t drink that!!! (sighhhhhh) Archimedes, would you be so kind as to fetch me the broom and dustpan again…?

A place for everything and a wizard in his place

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